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Animal jokes

Cat jokes, dog jokes, puns and riddles, all clean enough for the classroom or the team chat. Tap for a random one and reveal the answer when the room has had a guess.

What do you call a pile of cats?

Meet the cat personality

Cat jokes

  1. What do you call a pile of cats?

    A meowtain.

  2. Why was the cat sitting on the computer?

    To keep an eye on the mouse.

  3. What is a cat's favourite colour?

    Purr-ple.

  4. Why did the cat join the Red Cross?

    It wanted to be a first-aid kit.

  5. What do cats eat for breakfast?

    Mice Krispies.

  6. How do cats end a fight?

    They hiss and make up.

  7. What is a cat's favourite TV show?

    Claw and Order.

  8. Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?

    Too many cheetahs.

  9. What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants?

    Purr-suasive.

  10. What did the cat say when it lost all its money?

    I'm paw.

  11. Why did the cat sit next to the fireplace?

    It wanted to be a hot cat.

  12. What do you call a cat who loves to bowl?

    An alley cat.

  13. How does a cat sing scales?

    Do-re-mew.

  14. What is a cat's favourite dessert?

    Chocolate mouse.

  15. Why are cats good at video games?

    They have nine lives.

  16. What do you call a cat wearing shoes?

    Puss in boots.

  17. What did the cat order at the restaurant?

    Mice tea, please.

  18. Why did the cat put the letter M into the fridge?

    Because it turns ice into mice.

  19. What is a cat's way of keeping law and order?

    Claw enforcement.

  20. Why did the kitten get a good grade?

    It was the teacher's purr-fect student.

  21. What do you call a cat that works in a hospital?

    A first-aid kitty.

  22. What does a cat say when something goes wrong?

    Me-ouch.

  23. Why do cats always get their way?

    They are very purr-suasive.

  24. What is a cat's favourite magazine?

    Good Mousekeeping.

Dog jokes

  1. What do you call a dog magician?

    A labracadabrador.

  2. Why did the dog sit in the shade?

    It didn't want to be a hot dog.

  3. What kind of dog does a vampire have?

    A bloodhound.

  4. Why do dogs run in circles?

    It's hard to run in squares.

  5. Why did the dog go to the bank?

    To make a de-paws-it.

  6. What is a dog's favourite instrument?

    The trom-bone.

  7. Why are dogs bad dancers?

    They have two left feet.

  8. What do dogs and phones have in common?

    Both have collar ID.

  9. What do you call a cold dog?

    A chili dog.

  10. Why did the puppy get in trouble at school?

    It was barking up the wrong tree.

  11. What do you call a dog that loves bubble baths?

    A shampoodle.

  12. What did the dog say when it sat on sandpaper?

    Ruff.

  13. Where do dogs park their cars?

    In the barking lot.

  14. What is a dog's favourite city?

    New Yorkie.

  15. Why did the dog cross the road twice?

    It was trying to fetch a boomerang.

  16. What do you call a dog with a fever?

    A hot dog.

  17. Why don't dogs make good DJs?

    They always hit paws.

  18. What do you call a sleeping dog?

    A bull-dozer.

  19. How do dogs stop a video?

    They press paws.

  20. What do you call a dog in winter?

    A pupsicle.

  21. Why did the dog bring a pencil to the park?

    To draw a fetch-ing picture.

  22. What does a dog say when it is happy with dinner?

    Bone appétit.

  23. What is a dog's favourite pizza?

    Pupperoni.

  24. Why did the dog sit in the corner?

    It had been very ruff all day.

Funny animal jokes

  1. Why don't elephants use computers?

    They're scared of the mouse.

  2. What do you call a bear with no teeth?

    A gummy bear.

  3. Why did the owl invite friends over?

    It didn't want to be owl by itself.

  4. What do you call a sleeping bull?

    A bulldozer.

  5. Why are fish so smart?

    They live in schools.

  6. What does a lion say to the other animals at a party?

    Pleased to eat you.

  7. Why did the kangaroo stop drinking coffee?

    It made it too jumpy.

  8. What do you call a penguin in the desert?

    Lost.

  9. Why don't sharks eat clowns?

    They taste funny.

  10. What do you call a deer with no eyes?

    No idea.

  11. Why did the rabbit go to the barber?

    It was having a bad hare day.

  12. What do you call an alligator in a vest?

    An investigator.

  13. Why are frogs so happy?

    They eat whatever bugs them.

  14. What do you call a snake that works for the government?

    A civil serpent.

  15. How does a penguin build its house?

    Igloos it together.

  16. Why did the monkey like the banana?

    Because it had appeal.

  17. Why did the tortoise cross the road?

    To get to the Shell station.

  18. What do you call a cow with no legs?

    Ground beef.

  19. Why are giraffes slow to apologise?

    It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.

  20. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

    A dino-snore.

  21. Why did the dolphin cross the beach?

    To get to the other tide.

  22. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

    A fsh.

  23. How do bees get to school?

    On the school buzz.

  24. What do you call a lazy kangaroo?

    A pouch potato.

  25. What do you get when you cross a parrot and a centipede?

    A walkie-talkie.

  26. Why did the chameleon have a panic attack?

    It forgot what colour it was.

  27. What is a horse's favourite sport?

    Stable tennis.

  28. Why are peacocks so good at meetings?

    They always bring their best display.

  29. Why don't hedgehogs share?

    They are always a little prickly about it.

  30. What do pandas eat at the cinema?

    Bamboo-corn.

Animal puns

  1. What did the duck say to the waiter?

    Put it on my bill.

  2. How do you make an octopus laugh?

    With ten-tickles.

  3. What do you call a bear in the rain?

    A drizzly bear.

  4. What did the beaver say to the tree?

    It's been nice gnawing you.

  5. What do you call an owl that does magic?

    Hoo-dini.

  6. What do you call a fox that is a great listener?

    All ears, and very fox-used.

  7. What do you call a sheep with no legs?

    A cloud.

  8. What do you call a pig that knows karate?

    A pork chop.

  9. What do you call a group of musical whales?

    An orca-stra.

  10. Why did the eagle join the band?

    It had talon-t.

  11. What do you call a camel with no humps?

    Humphrey.

  12. What do you call a hawk that tells jokes?

    A hawk-larious bird.

  13. What does a tiger wear to bed?

    Stripe-d pyjamas.

  14. Why are butterflies bad at secrets?

    They always flutter-by and tell everyone.

  15. What does a wolf say when it finishes dinner?

    That was howl-some.

  16. What did the cheetah say after a big meal?

    That really hit the spot.

  17. What do you call a well-behaved elephant?

    Ele-gant.

  18. What do you call a shark that delivers toast?

    A butter-fin shark.

Animal riddles

  1. I have stripes but I am not a zebra, I live in the jungle and I purr when I'm happy. What am I?

    A tiger.

  2. What has a long neck and does not need a scarf in summer?

    A giraffe.

  3. What animal is always at a baseball game?

    A bat.

  4. What kind of key opens a banana?

    A monkey.

  5. What do you call a dog that can tell time?

    A watchdog.

  6. I carry my house on my back and I never go out in a hurry. What am I?

    A tortoise.

  7. What animal can jump higher than a house?

    Any animal. Houses can't jump.

  8. I can change colour, I look two ways at once, and I catch dinner with my tongue. What am I?

    A chameleon.

  9. What has four legs in the morning, wags its tail all day and sleeps on your bed at night?

    Your dog.

  10. What is black and white and blue all over?

    A sad penguin.

  11. I am the king of the jungle but I live on the savanna. What am I?

    A lion.

  12. What animal needs to wear a wig?

    A bald eagle.

  13. What goes 'hoo, hoo' and stays up all night?

    An owl.

  14. I build dams, I have a flat tail, and I never stop working. What am I?

    A beaver.

  15. What has spikes, curls into a ball and loves a garden at night?

    A hedgehog.

Which animal are you, really?

Jokes aside, the free animal personality quiz matches you to one of 31 animals in about five minutes. No email needed.

Take the animal quiz

Quick answers

Are these animal jokes clean?
Yes. Every joke is safe for a classroom, a family dinner or a work chat. They are mostly classic riddle-style jokes and puns.
What is the funniest cat joke?
It depends on the room, but 'What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.' wins most often, followed by 'Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.'
How do I use the joke generator?
Pick a type, read the question out loud, give people a few seconds to guess, then tap Show the answer. Next joke gives you another one from a shuffled list, so you will not see repeats until you have been through them all.
Are there animal riddles with answers?
Yes, 15 of them, listed at the bottom of the page with their answers. Choose Riddles in the generator to play them one at a time.

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